My body resembles a lump of PlayDoh that has been squidged by a toddler…not expertly sculpted by Nick Park of Wallace and Gromit fame! I am losing weight well, but it isn’t coming off evenly.
I have one leg bigger than the other, one boob that hangs lower than the other, and rolls and lumps in places that frankly should not have rolls and lumps. So what on earth possessed me to think that swim suit shopping was a good idea?!
To be honest, I have my body hang ups like many other people do, but I have come to terms with the fact that I have buggered up my body beyond belief…I will never have the figure I crave and will never likely get close to it. But I can have a much healthier body than I have got at the moment…so I am going to aim for the best that I can possibly get. It will be squidgy and saggy, and it will be lumpy and bumpy, and it is never going to look good with clothes off. Yet I know that I can feel good – I feel good now, and I am still very much a work in progress…I can only imagine how good it could feel.
So I am aiming for feel-good rather than look-good…and let’s face it, anything is an improvement. I WILL look better, but Angelina Jolie need not be concerned that I am going to prise the role of Lara Croft out of her hands just yet – oh okay then…ever!
Swim suits are not the most flattering of items, but neither are leggings – and I wear those, so why not a freaking swim suit? When I posted a little message on Facebook yesterday about my swim suit dilemma, I had lots of lovely messages from people giving advice on cut, suggesting those with a dress that cover bums are good, or to even wear shorts or leggings in the pool. I love the fact that people out there care enough to comment, but it also makes me incredibly sad at the same time.
Whilst I am not comfortable at the thought of putting my PlayDoh-esque self into a swim suit for all to see, part of me really doesn’t care. If I don’t like looking at something, I simply stop looking at it – and so if people don’t like the sight of my gargantuan arse in a swim suit, they don’t have to fecking look do they?! Covering myself up in leggings or shorts will probably draw more attention – it might make me feel better…but then again I don’t fancy my arse bobbing on the surface whilst I try and retrieve the shorts from the bed of the pool as they have gotten so water-logged that they have slipped off!
I just wish that we didn’t have these body hang-ups that make us think twice about getting out there. The comments I had were from lovely people – some of whom are smaller than me, a lot smaller than me – and some of whom are bigger than me. Whilst it is heartening to know that I am not alone in my arse-baring dilemma, it fills me with sadness that this is the case. I just wish that we weren’t so judgemental.
Don’t get me wrong – I am not going to sashay down the long side of the pool in just my flipflops (I have a crazy aversion to verrucas and leave my flipflops at the edge of the pool) and swim suit with a huge beaming smile on my face. It will be a case of being wrapped in a massive beach towel which I throw off whilst jumping into the pool in one smooth(ish) move. Although I do think that it would be quite amusing just to be that brazen…I might pluck up the courage to do just that one day.
In the end I went for functionality over style and chose a very basic swimming costume. I did check out the ‘sculpting’ range on offer…but I think I am more in need of a lump hammer and a chisel than a bit of extra strength Lycra. There really is no hiding what I have and so I am not even going to give myself the additional worry of trying. I am just going to get out there, plaster a smile on my face, and go for it. And if anyone says anything horrid, I will drown them – so be warned…be nice to fatties who are making the effort to get out there…or you might come across me one day!
It was actually heartening to read a post on a forum earlier where one person had posted how there were so many fat people swimming (yippee! I won’t be alone) and the vast majority of comments were criticising them for taking the proverbial. There is a lot of support out there for people who are trying to make positive changes to their lives – no, I shouldn’t have reached the stage that I did, but I did…and now I am doing something about it – and most people realise that. Unfortunately, just as every village has an idiot, every gym has a dickhead…but most people ignore the village idiot, so that is what I am going to do with the gym dickheads; unless I am feeling particularly on form, and that will be delightful blog fodder to share with you!
Right then – today has been another sedate one. I think that this is going to be a recurring theme until I get up and running at the gym and start uni after my Scottish retreat in a couple of weeks time. My lovely other half let me sleep in for a while this morning. This flu (cold!) has me feeling tired and so he left me to it. I then had a lovely conversation with a wonderful friend – yes, YOU…I know you are reading, and you are wonderful! I then headed off to check the horses and popped to Asda. Other than this, it has been a quiet day. After finishing series 6 of 24, I am now embroiled in the delights of series 7 – I think it is a particularly excellent series…so more of this will be watched this evening.
Brunch: Two garlic and herb Phili toasties (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB) with scrambled egg, bacon, tomato, mushrooms and onion.
My food has been lovely today, but a little messed up in terms of timings. I stupidly headed out this morning having not eaten…which means no diabetes tablets. So I grabbed a big brunch when I got home – toast with garlic and herb Phili turned into sandwiches with a filling of spinach. I then made some scrambled eggs with tomato, onion, mushroom and lean bacon pieces with some cracked black pepper…it definitely hit the spot and I was still full over 4 hours later. Dinner was my usual rover cobbler combo – smoked fish with fried onion, spinach, courgette, mushrooms, pepper and tomatoes. My evening snack was more of a breakfast – a pot of muesli with a chopped banana and some almond milk – I split one of my HEAs to save some milk for it.
Thank for reading!